Can your partner be your doula?

A friend of mine once joked that she was going to put her husband through doula training before their baby came. I’ll admit, the idea of her lumberjack-bearded hubby with a paper fan in one hand and a tiny bottle of lavender essential oil in the other gave us both a good laugh. But another idea was creeping in the back of my head. Was this the future? Weekend Daddy Doula Bootcamps complete with tactical doula backpacks? How could any doula compete with a trained partner? Of course we can’t, we’d never want to, but most importantly it would not be fair to your partner to expect them to carry the birth in that way. We must remember that partners are also having the most important day of their lives. Your doula could never replace your partner. You simply won’t get the same Oxytocin flood swaying through contractions in my arms, I don’t smell like home to you! Your partner does!

A doula supports both you and your partner to experience the birth of your baby as joyfully as possible. Even if your partner was a five star chef would you keep them in the kitchen on your wedding day? No way! This is a day to be present and full of love! I’ve been studying my craft for years, gathering knowledge from far-flung corners of our birth community and digging through medical studies in my free time. It is my life’s work to support families through birth. My job in your labor is to keep my wits about me, anticipate your needs, suggest position changes I’ve done physiological research on, even remind you to pee! Your partner’s job is to love you, to admire your strength and to bolster your courage as you bring your love into the world- your baby!

This, and a respectful medical care provider, are what it means to be truly well supported. I’ll bring the hand fan and remember to take pictures. You enjoy this day, both of you!

by Brittny Johnson